Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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