Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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