What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
