If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
someone owes me an orgasm
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
