Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
