I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
