Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My nipple is on Facebook.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
