Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
