i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
