the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
