I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
