well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have already put on my inside pants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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