i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
