Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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