If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
