Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
