I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
