That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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