happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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