The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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