I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
