you win again, gameday.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
