so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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