Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
