he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
