Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
