I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
