I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
