i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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