mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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