My friends, they love my intelligence
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
