I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
