It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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