I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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