No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
