life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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