Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
