The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
