1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
