So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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