I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
