Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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