saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
