Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
