dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
