THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
