i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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