its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
