...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
ok first of all what the fuck
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
