Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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