A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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