i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The ass gains better be worth it
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