my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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