I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
