wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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